Where better to start than a show that divides the nation, the X Factor.
Some see it as the return of family entertainment/variety to prime time TV, harmless fun and a way of discovering the next star.
Others, myself included, believe it to be the worst sort of entertainment. The X Factor is a cheap, vulgar, and uninspired way of filling close to 4 hours of airtime across the ITV network as well as being a huge cash-cow for a desperate channel looking to sell some prime time advertising slots in the run up to Christmas.
Wading through the shit of auditions which including a couple of out of tune bovines who ended their duet with a punch (then an topless appearance in the Daily Sport) and after overly dramatic and drawn out decision process the fine 14 contestants were selected.
So with a mixture of boredom and indifference (due to the girlfriend having firm control of the remote) I faced the curtain raiser to the series.
Here's my comments about the contestants I made out loud during the show.
- a dull voice, wonky eyes, a dodgy outfit and can't walk & sing at the same time. Apart from that a faultless performance
- WHAT THE FUCK IT THAT? someone give him a mirror.
- Right, those chaps ARE wearing condoms over their heads right?
- Lets not beat about the bush on this one - storm lee is looking like a proper cunt
- Belle Amie's father is actually David, the famous nature loving, bearded presenter
- Hey Belle Amie, Holland called, it wants it's flatness back
- A mix of elizabeth taylor and a crack whore
- Oh fuck she's "freestyling"
- Cher looks how Cheryl would of looked like if they hadn't caught the malaria in time (and had been living with full-blown AIDS for a year)
- Glad they're not over camping it up too much
- perhaps the only thing more gay would be, oooo, i don't know.... rimming?
- Shit, that bloke from Bloc Party has let himself go a bit!
- wow-look at Katie, she's like a futuristic knight! No... go'on fuck off, back to reception and get me a coffee while you're at it
- yeah, you remind me of Cyndi Lauper, no hold on, I meant Cindy: the Leper
- clear up on studio 3.....
- you know they say that black is slimming, well THEY are fucking liars, you can't slim down a whale
- wow, those earrings really take the focus of her massive bulbus head
- Has someone removed Nicolo roof of his mouth? he can't pronounce any of the words? it's like lester piggott doing karaoke
- One Direction? which direction do you reckon? yes, thats right, Louis ' dressing room.
- One Direction: bad singing, horrible horrible acting and fucking awful lip syncing
- One Direction give Louis wand erection
- Wagner From Sao Paulo to Dudley, wearing crushed velvet smoking jacket and being every married mums fantasy, Yes Wagner, I love you
- oh look at Aiden, look how awkward he is, so uncomfortable he is, if he get any more "different" he'll be presenting T4 tomorrow..
- but fuck me, he's actually not that bad at all
- although he may knife on someone
- Treyc I hate already, just purely on the way she spell her name, fucking illiterate parents
If you haven't watched the show yet, I won't spoil it for you but Nicolo and FYD (an act I didn't mention in this post because they were actually quite good) were booted off the show.