Sunday, 24 October 2010

The 21st Century: Rants Vital Facts

Whether you like it or not, the end of the year is fast approaching and it will tie-up what has been an eventful first decade to this century.

But I woke up this morning with the odd sense, like Sam Becket in Quantum Leap, realising that perhaps I had been transported in a different age.

I was at the stage just before the "oh boy" realisation moment and that know-it-all turd with the cigar and calculator turned up.

I popped on the telly and saw that a policeman had been shot dead in Northern Ireland, Tim Lovejoy asreing around on a sofa and Jim Rosenthal presenting itv sport.

So I came to the conclusion that if I had been pulled through worm-hole to the mid 90's and I should give you a few nuggets of information to prepare for what the 21st Century has in store.
RANTs 21st Century Vital Info  

1) Culottes will make a surprise return and will not be the for Brownies only anymore. Instead, they'll be available for city sluts and skanks. See below.

2) You know how good T2 was - well if you're hoping that they'll be another Terminator film don't fret, it's coming. (Bad news - you'll have to wait about 15 years and it'll be proper shit, then about 5 years later another one will turn up but with a very rude and shouty Englishman-wannabe-yank)
Oh and Arnie will drop the acting and focus on running the world by becoming Governor of L.A. - No shit!
3) On a political note, the tories will be back in power with the aid of a spineless turd of a lib-dem leader, (I give it 6 months) 

4) MiniDisk will not be the all-conquering format it promised to be and will die on it's arse, making all those people you payed £200 for a portable MD player wished they had invested their money in something more secure like Lloyds Bank shares or Woolworths vouchers.

5) Oops, Woolworths will be no more, meaning people will now have to travel to their local cinema to purchase over-priced pic'n'mix.

6) People won't pay for Music / Films / Games

7) Instead of payment for the above, your PC will be infected with more viruses than you can shake a stick at.

8) A black man will be in the White House. Surprised? Well wait and see who he replaced, thats a shocker.

9) Depression will back with a bang and will make the Pound so worthless that common commerce will bargain with coloured stones instead.
10) A lot of things will be different but one thing will remain the same - Michaela Strachan will still be hot, she'll be pushing 50, but those kaki shorts make the Really Wild Show watchable (Sadly Terry Nutkins will still have that dodgy barnet.)

See you in the future guys.

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